Good-bye to all that . . . Oh hell! Do it to me one more time!

Diddling While Rome Burns

by Hemiac Plurge on Friday, March 17, 2017

As usual, Chris Hedges' well-reasoned and thoughtful warnings about the looming collapse of western civilization have made me come to terms with how I have wasted my short time on this earth by packing my head with ephemera.

In that spirit:

You Never Done it Like That

(Howard Greenfield, Neil Sedaka)

You're so terrific
Ooooh you never done it like that
You never been this way before
To be specific
Ooooh you never done it like that
Who went and opened up the door?
My lips are burnin'
Yeah, you never done it like that
I thought the flame was dead and gone
But you been learnin'
Yeah you never done it like that
How long has this been goin' on?
Ooooh, ooooh, who's been teachin' you?
Show me the man and let me shake his hand
Hey look at me, I feel just like Columbus
I did discover you're some kind of lover
My mind is blowin'
Ooooh you never done it like that
You got me climbin' up the wall
My love is growin'
Yeah, you never done it like that
You know you made me ten feet tall

It appears that Daryl Dragon's firm, muscular pianist's fingers were informed by another gentleman on certain hidden techniques that legend says can save a flagging marriage. What mountains did Dragon climb, what demons, subtle or brutal did he defeat, to obtain the Sedaka Shocker Scroll, and become the Dragon Warrior of Love, the Chakra Tickler Equal of Heaven?

I used to walk around the house singing "You Never Done it Like That" at the top of my lungs when I was 12. My long-suffering mother, faced with her son caterwauling a soft-rock hymn to ass-play, only pointed out that the song was grammatically suspect. I have employed the same parental duck-and-weave vis. Niki Minaj with my own child. What else are you going to do? Buy Radio Disney? Train her in Asymmetric Combat? Hoard rim-fire ammunition?

So as the shithouse collapses and we all come to terms with our proper place on the scatter-plot in the Holy Feudalism Dashboard, as ordained by St. Deming (we want you to want to genufluct) just be glad that I have colored your memories of the fall with some good, clean dirty fun the Captain and Tennille had before their own division and downfall, and not that creepy-uncle Michael Franks shrimp-job.